Don't worry mom, I'm a doctor

Waking up in the morning feeling like you didn't sleep at all is not how you want to start the day. let alone being energy deprived with 2 of the most energetic early risers of all time. Right away, I'm filled with disappointment in myself. I want to be the cheery mom that wakes her children up with breakfast and nothing but smiles on her face. But today the challenge is simply getting out of bed. I can't always parent the way I wish I could and sometimes I have to rely on others to help raise my kids. This creates a pretty significant shame storm inside. I had a few long weeks in the beginning of my health journey where I let the shame and guilt keep me from my kids. I was worried about them, I wanted them to see me when I was better and honestly my symptoms were so bad, It was difficult to have anyone around me. But the thing with chronic illness, it is not a quick recovery. They wondered why I was always in bed. I wondered why my body was shutting down and why we weren’t getting any real answers from my doctors. For what felt like forever, myself, and everyone around me was in a fog of confusion. How do we pay our bills? How do we parent? What is happening to mom? How do we get to all the appointments? And the list goes on. I isolated myself because stimulation of any kind seemed to rev up my symptoms and frankly it scared me. I kept thinking, “I don’t want to traumatize them by seeing me like this.” My kids were hushed and kept out of my room. My heart broke a little more every time they wanted mom and I couldn’t show up. So many questions and not many answers. But then I decided, "well, this is the reality. I can't stay away from my kids until I feel better. I'm going to have to figure out a way to let them see me sick." My 2nd born; Oakley had just turned 3. And she got a doctor kit for her birthday. I told Oakley that I want her to be with me so bad, but I didn't feel very well. She looked at me so lovingly from my bedside. She then said, "don't worry mom, I'm a doctor now." She ran to her room and came back in her doctor outfit and many toy medical tools. She crawled up on my bed and proceeded to give me the best checkup I have ever had. I realized in this moment, that I wasn't traumatizing my kids because I was sick. I was traumatizing them because I was keeping myself away from them. I realized there was still plenty I could offer them from my bed. I laid there quietly while Oakley assessed me. I listened to her thoughts and plans for how to fix me. My body calmed down the sensations as I exposed myself more to their voices and touches. My son (5) joined in with activities too, like driving hot wheels cars on me. I started watching movies with them, snuggling with them, playing toys with them. But still allowing my body the rest in the way it was demanding. I'm getting better every day and I am so grateful that I am no longer bed bound for weeks/months. But I defiantly have some dips. And when I do, I know that I have many activities that I can do with my kids despite how I am feeling, because I know that the connection, I have with them is what is healing me more than anything else.

• Activities to do with your kids from a laying or reclined position:
• nails/makeup 
• Play Doctor
• Picnic with toy food
• Listen to a children’s audiobook
• Watch a movie
• Play cars and drive them on mom
• Play hotel - mom is a resting guest 
• Beading bracelets 

Please add more in the comments to help out other parents navigating chronic illness with children.